So if a cheater gets cheated on is it all squared away? Does this restore the equilibrium of the relationship? Can a cheater even feel cheated if they get cheated on?
Let me clarify that I don’t just mean infidelity. Tip-toeing out on your partner. I also mean unfaithfulness, untrustworthiness, and just being plain ol’ fraudulent. Purposeful misrepresentation. Creating the illusion of one thing, when something else exists.
I know a friend of a friend that has been a cheater our whole adult lives (in the adultery sense of the word). I am not privy to all the ins and outs, but it’s fair to say that monogamy had not been his strong suit. I am aware of his many girlfriends and friends with benefits on the low. I remember both of his wives. As lovely ladies as a lady can be when she can’t quite pin her own husband down. Nervous sorts. Too much anxiety I’m sure.
Anywho… Of all the many women I heard tales of, I was always assured that the “current” wife did not know. I will admit that I absolutely didn’t believe it then or now. How could he turn off his phone in the driveway of your home and you not think that suspicious? How could he go out to fuel up the car and come back two hours later with an excuse that he was driving around looking for fuel savings? And you believe that? Ludacris (not the rapper, the silliness).
Then one day I hear on the vine that wife number two has served up something cold on her lazy Susan. Just desserts. The table turned; spinning his former reality out of reach. He first noticed that she was attending office happy hours on a regular basis. Girl nights on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Then her undergarments came on hangers instead of in value packs. Separate bedrooms weren’t far behind. She did not volunteer any information, but she told the matter of fact truth when asked.
To say this friend of a friend’s life unraveled is an understatement. It seemed to spiral down and outward; bound for the abyss. The thing that planted the question of balance or restorative justice in my mind is that his narrative mirrored that of a victim. The unfairness of her disregard for his financial sacrifices stitched his quilted version at the seams. He says he was happy and loved their life together. He laments his decision to maintain their marriage for 1 1/2 decades only to end up alone.
I once threw the idea of karma out there…a little sowing and reaping. It was pretty much thrown back with a “She never found out anything”. Hmmm 🤔. Possible but regardless her knowledge and universal principles are two separate things. But from what I heard she never accused him of infidelity, even after her own dirty deeds were done.
This guy begged for marriage counseling. She refused. Of course, he had a new lady friend. He met her before his second wife put him out. He’s a little frustrated by the new lady’s trust issues. I asked the same thing you just did…”well wasn’t she dating you while you still lived with your wife?” “Yeah, but the marriage was already over.”
Soooo..I don’t condone cheating on spouses, tests, or taxes. I think when you do those things you set consequences into motion that, in your state of arousal by gain, you can’t fathom. The backlash can’t be contained. The burning fire of desire that draws a moth to a flame will also consume until there is nothing left of your former self.
Moral of the story: If your loved one is unfaithful, don’t become untrustworthy trying to seek revenge. They will remain unchanged. And you will come out filthy dirty too.
Stay authentic. Stay true (to yourself that is.. Fuck them cus they ain’t shit💩)