All That You Deserve

“How you doing today?”

“Pretty bad. How ’bout you?”

“Ummm…I was doing good ’til you said that shit.” 🤔

No lie. For my cousin this is his standard hello. The first few times it kinda fucked with my mind. Like what? Pretty bad? Who says that? Evidently, my cousin.

His retort to such a benign greeting is not circumstantial. He answers this way on a sunny day or a rainy night. When we’re dressed to go out or cracking a beer in the garage makes not a matter to him. He’s always going to say, “Pretty bad”.

I’ve wondered if the point of “pretty bad” was to make the inquisitor feel pretty bad. I mean how can you say you’re doing pretty good after being confronted with the idea that he’s equally as bad as you are good? Like that’s pretty fucked up. Without a doubt, since I know for a fact, that you’re so use to good following pretty that you almost miss the bad.

You’re standing there with no other option than to reply, “I’m hanging in there.” Which is a lie. You’re doing a hell of a lot better than just hanging in there. You’re great! You’re fantastic! It’s been confirmed that you are all the business; consequently, you’re an egotistical bastard if you admit that to someone doing pretty bad.

Ummm.. Now here’s an interesting scenario. What if you didn’t hear the “bad”, because your mind filled your ears with “good”. So then you’d say, “Glad to hear it! I’m pretty good too.” Damn! You’re not good too cus he already said he was far from good. There is no too. And why are you glad to hear he’s bad??

His conclusion: you were never interested in how he is.

You were asking an intrusive question never expecting an answer that would force you to engage further. Ain’t that some shit?! Such twisted jacked up logic that it actually makes sense.

My real answer: “I’m glad your day has all that you deserve!” He’s not the only asshole in the family lol 🙋🏽